Empathy and Moral Injury: Why it's So Hard to Witness Cruelty When You Can't Fix It.
Are you feeling it too?
I just learned there’s actually a term for the sadness, shame and confusion that’s laid me low the past few weeks—it’s called moral injury.
Moral injury is a psychological response to doing/failing to do, or witnessing something that goes against your deepest personal values; it feels like a wound to the soul. Without the ability to help, you find yourself witnessing cruel treatment of innocent creatures (people, animals) who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Think of combat veterans who have had to witness or participate in real atrocities — that’s when moral injury can become PTSD.)
As I witness recent events, my understanding of the rules of civil society, and of what’s right and what’s wrong, have been upended. I’m a part of this society—a piece of that whole in which the bad things are occurring. They’re happening on my watch and I’ve been powerless to prevent or remedy them.
Empathy: we need one another
Empathy is an awareness of other people's emotions and an attempt to understand how they feel. Empathy is essential in creating and maintaining successful relationships, both one-to-one and in a civil society. That’s why it’s so hard to witness the fear and pain of those federal employees whose agencies, livelihoods, and life-saving work are being gutted. I have friends anxiously waiting for the gutting shoe to drop, and others who’ve been gutted then un-gutted, then re-gutted. It’s continuous stomach-churning for them.
Elon Musk has a different view of empathy, which he’s made painfully apparent by his actions. He has said, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.”
Statements like that freak me out, because we need one another.
“The death of human empathy is one of the earliest and most telling signs of a culture about to fall into barbarism,” said Jewish political philosopher Hannah Arendt.
Instead, I choose to align myself with these inspiring words from Arundhati Roy:
One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.
Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.
Feeling helpless? Some things you can do…
I’ve been dining and talking with friends, learning what they’re doing and how they’re feeling (morally injured, every one, and some extremely concerned about their jobs and the non-governmental agencies where they work.) My daughter is in a little accountability group where they gather every couple of weeks to check in, brainstorm actions, and encourage each other. (The illegible headings below are: Protect People, Disrupt and Disobey, Defend Civic Institutions, Build Alternatives.)
From my friend Michelle: Amy’s List for Staying Focused, Sane, and Engaged. It’s a thorough list, worth reading all of it.
From Garrett Bucks, Thirty Lonely But Beautiful Actions, posted last week and definitely worth visiting and revisiting and putting into practice.
Love the title of this compendium: Of What Future are these the Wild Early Days? What wants to be born out of this chaos?
PUT YOURSELF IN THE WAY OF BEAUTY
To cheer myself last week, I hiked up to my happy place, Portland’s Japanese Garden. It is “peak moss season,” they told me at the gate. Yes it is!
Bonus: three life-affirming treats
A very vocal starling (and Instagram star) named “The Mouth” and his caretaker (who rescued him from the side of the road nine years ago) have a sweet conversation. In another video he goes Jurassic Park with his dinasaur noises.
Another creative internet star is “The Kiffness,” who can transform cat meows (and little kids singing, below) into real music, multi-tracking a variety of instruments. In this one he makes a young boy’s song into a something truly joyous.
A truly wonderful book: This Is Happiness by Niall Williams. An unforgettable mix of characters in a rural Irish village when electrification finally comes to them in the 1970s. You will be transported, fall in love with the village and these people, laugh a lot and maybe cry. I’m ready to read it a second time.
Seeking your feedback, please!
I’ve heard from a couple of readers who do not want to hear any more about the political situation in DC. I’ve heard from others who want more. I want to know what you want more of and/or less of. (I can swerve back to writing about color, feng shui, personal style, down-sizing and de-cluttering, but none of that feels appropriate right now.) Please comment to let me know.
Thank you for articulating the sense of helplessness I have been feeling in the face of the pain and suffering that Trump and his minions are inflicting on so many innocent people. Moral injury is a helpful concept and empathy is at least one way to try to understand the damage that is being done. Another wise saying relating to this issue is from the Jewish text "Pirkei Avot" (Ethics of the Fathers): "You are not obligated to complete the work but neither are you free to abandon it." This encourages taking some action even if the problem seems overwhelming. So please do keep writing about the political situation!
Write what YOU need to write! I encourage everyone to put their thoughts in writing during these chaotic days! Some people will avoid reading about the present state of the union. Some will find a nugget of peace in the words you squeeze out of your soul and put on paper. Some will smile when you turn a phrase. I'm writing newsletters here on Substack too. Not because I want a zillion followers, but because I discovered years ago that when I feel the NEED to share my thoughts, writing them was good therapy for me....and maybe helpful to someone reading them as well.